How many boyfriends have you had?

Men love to compare. Whether it is salary or penis size or number of boyfriends, comparison is our birthright. Or so we think!

Relationships among gay men is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Loyalty, what's that? Monogamy, what's that again? Stability, huh? Drama-free, What the hell are you even talking about?

It is totally beyond my abilities to understand why people sign up for such things in life. Commitment is key to any relationship however, somehow men stray. I guess it is a natural tendency to do so. But, accepting a partner that strays is impossible in a gay relationship and I wonder why! Open relationships have lasted slightly longer than closed ones, at least in India.

Why are gay relationships so fragile?

Some reasons:

1. Laws of attraction - They're so fucked up. The guy looks like Bradley Cooper in week 1 of the relationship & ends up like Donald Trump on week 4. We somehow have the uncanny ability to magnify the good during the initial days. Later, familiarity breeds contempt and we tend to start missing out on the goodness and slowly develop a bitterness looking at reality, where every man has his flaws. At the end of it, in due course of time, the inability to accept the partner as he is overtakes the liking & it's "We need to talk" time!

2. Long distance - Done to death. Life is not Ajith Kumar's Fortress of Love! You can't live in Bangalore and he lives in Beijing and still have a monogamous, loving relationship unless you've completely pumped out all your testosterone. Sex is an important part of a relationship & distance makes sure that doesn't happen. That is the beginning of the end!

Not just that, the entire point of a relationship is the "being there" part. Gay men have the natural tendency to look at themselves as crusaders for a cause and the victim end of any situation and need "support". When you're not going to be "there", you've no place "there". Sense the tone! Sense the tone!!

3. Beyhadh! - Kushal Tandon is cute. We all agree. However, if the partner is going to be as possessive as the Beyhadh character, the china is heading towards a brick wall! Too much of anything isn't good for anything! That includes obsession. Stalking the partner's FB account, phone, Whatsapp etc. to check if he's straying is insinuating! It is as good as striking the match stick and putting it on your tender cotton-like relationship. NO! STOP IT NOW!

4. Trust - This is true for any relationship, not just homosexual. When there are trust issues with the partner, there is no room for tryst!

Sheer lack of commitment and not giving 100% to the relationship is one of the major major reasons for crumbling relationships. If you ask me, neither the relationship nor the heartbreak is worth it!

Where are all the women?

I have been gay since the time I ever knew what was going on around me. I guess it was something that I was fully aware of even before I finished class VII. My first online dating account was created when I was 15! 

With that said, it is rather surprising to me that I have no idea how Lesbian network operates. If you ask me apps for gay men, I can give you a whole list. However, I can't think of even one for Lesbians. I have written at length about Courtrallam, Trichur Pooram etc. I wonder if there is a universe that operates for the women of this country as well. 

Even in mainstream TV shows, there is hardly any prominent female gay character. I hate the context of cheap comedy in which gay men are portrayed but there is not even that for women who are gay. 

How does that universe operate? 

I know a bunch of straight friends of mine who just love to watch Lesbian porn. I guess their phobia for the male genitals is one of the reasons for the choice they are making. However, I am not too sure if there exist some women who take special interest in watching gay porn. A lot of women I have met in life and have had a chance to talk to about gay life, have actually frowned. There are morons like TV anchor Geeta who threaten people to get 'normal'. Women apparently have a better sense of empathy is what I hear & read. However, this attitude of intolerance & aversion makes me question if that is true. 

I have not been to Pride events & stuff. Hence, the chances of me meeting a Lesbian couple is zero. As a person of interest in LGBT stories & issues, I am really curious to know about that parallel universe. I hope I will get to understand its dynamics some day. 

Why do gay people blindly breed hatred?

The general human attitude towards aliens is negative. It is evident from all of the movies that Hollywood churns decade after decade. This fact is evident even in the evolution of human race where in the initial years, people used to fight wars with people of neighbouring regions simply because their culture, habits and races were alien to them. Aliens are considered a threat to one's security and well-being.Well! How much of it is true, we don't know. A lot of times, such fears are simply irrational and blown way out of proportion.

In the gay paradigm, there is a very striking paradox when it comes to this. Disagreement is something this breed cannot accept with grace. Whether it is ideological differences or preferential differences, it simply is an excuse to start screaming slogans, holding placards & rant \on Facebook. We have seen several instances involving a Donald Trump or Narendra Modi in recent times where our men simply love to hate them. Reason? Apparently, homophobia. What's worse? Anybody who has a different point of view is considered homophobic and a blot in the LGBT society.

Now, this is something I have a major issue with. On one hand, we talk about One Love, the universal nature of love, lust etc. We seek acceptance & ask people not to hate us for what we are. On the other hand, we don't think twice to put down our own breed simply because they have a different viewpoint. I am not asking all the gay people to go and hug Mr. Modi or Trump. However, the venom spewing is such a caustic thing to do. Those who are willing to take corruption over intolerance, I only have one thing to say. You are a privileged ass that cannot see the real worth of what you have in life. You never earned it & you were just born in affluent, well-to-do households in countries that are not torn by war. Because, if the opposite had happened, you would know the value of every minute you spend without hearing a bombshell. You would be thankful for every morsel of food on your plate. You would be grateful for having the privilege of using a fancy phone with dating apps. You would be happy to kiss and make love to the one guy you get to meet on a Saturday night. Being spoilt with multiple choices and variety has put you on a pedestal where you look down upon everything else in the name of 'preference'. Even worse, spewing venom and hatred over others who don't even have a real impact in your day-to-day scheme of things. Wake up my friend, wake up! 

The fuck-ups in the mind!

I watched Dear Zindagi and cried like a baby.

There was a reference to a gay boy to whom Alia Bhatt asks why he goes to a shrink. She asks him whether he goes to one so that he could tell the world that he was gay. He responds saying he needs to go so that he could tell himself so.

I don't even know how many people got that reference. Nevertheless, some of us felt like applauding. But, we couldn't. The answer is obvious. Especially when you have gone solo to watch the film.

Being in denial with oneself is one feeling which many aren't familiar with until they have been in that spot. Imagine someone telling you that you have cancer, it would take months for it to sink in. And the physical pain would be so consuming that the sinking in problem would seem trivial as days pass by. But, imagine the support system you'd have when you would try to recover or get it treated. Now, being gay isn't a disease. Although clowns like Baba Ramdev or anchor Geeta feel so, it simply isn't one. However, the societal stigma and the stupid way popular movies portray gay men has imbibed a sense of shame in the minds of people about being homosexual.

This is such a deep problem that needs to be understood first and then accepted.

Even in the movie Aligarh, when the LGBT NGO activist urges Prof. Siras to sign the petition that he is gay, he hesitates and doesn't agree It is simply a challenge to accept him the way he is, thanks to the damage we have done.

It is not uncommon among the gay community to lie among themselves that they are bisexual. The stigma towards Transgenders is something I can't even begin to write about.

I remember a funny incident that happened over the weekend. I was chatting up with a 40+ year old man on Grindr, a popular gay dating app. His profile had some decent content. I asked for a pic and he shared. I communicated to him that I wasn't physically attracted to him. Then began the avalanche. He was hell-bent on having sex with me. However, he couldn't be convinced with the fact that he was not of my type and he immediately changed his tone. He went on to say I look like a Transgender and he could read people's faces. I replied "haha" & he accused me of being of dubious character and blocked me.

The point is it is still in people's minds that calling another person gay or transgender is a going to offend them. A real's person's identity is considered shameful & God knows who puts these thoughts in the minds of people. No wonder shrinks make a fortune counselling our community people.