How many boyfriends have you had?

Men love to compare. Whether it is salary or penis size or number of boyfriends, comparison is our birthright. Or so we think!

Relationships among gay men is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Loyalty, what's that? Monogamy, what's that again? Stability, huh? Drama-free, What the hell are you even talking about?

It is totally beyond my abilities to understand why people sign up for such things in life. Commitment is key to any relationship however, somehow men stray. I guess it is a natural tendency to do so. But, accepting a partner that strays is impossible in a gay relationship and I wonder why! Open relationships have lasted slightly longer than closed ones, at least in India.

Why are gay relationships so fragile?

Some reasons:

1. Laws of attraction - They're so fucked up. The guy looks like Bradley Cooper in week 1 of the relationship & ends up like Donald Trump on week 4. We somehow have the uncanny ability to magnify the good during the initial days. Later, familiarity breeds contempt and we tend to start missing out on the goodness and slowly develop a bitterness looking at reality, where every man has his flaws. At the end of it, in due course of time, the inability to accept the partner as he is overtakes the liking & it's "We need to talk" time!

2. Long distance - Done to death. Life is not Ajith Kumar's Fortress of Love! You can't live in Bangalore and he lives in Beijing and still have a monogamous, loving relationship unless you've completely pumped out all your testosterone. Sex is an important part of a relationship & distance makes sure that doesn't happen. That is the beginning of the end!

Not just that, the entire point of a relationship is the "being there" part. Gay men have the natural tendency to look at themselves as crusaders for a cause and the victim end of any situation and need "support". When you're not going to be "there", you've no place "there". Sense the tone! Sense the tone!!

3. Beyhadh! - Kushal Tandon is cute. We all agree. However, if the partner is going to be as possessive as the Beyhadh character, the china is heading towards a brick wall! Too much of anything isn't good for anything! That includes obsession. Stalking the partner's FB account, phone, Whatsapp etc. to check if he's straying is insinuating! It is as good as striking the match stick and putting it on your tender cotton-like relationship. NO! STOP IT NOW!

4. Trust - This is true for any relationship, not just homosexual. When there are trust issues with the partner, there is no room for tryst!

Sheer lack of commitment and not giving 100% to the relationship is one of the major major reasons for crumbling relationships. If you ask me, neither the relationship nor the heartbreak is worth it!

Why is loyalty is scarcity in gay relationships?

There's true love and equal love and N shades of in between. It's all beautiful to trend on twitter and facebook. The whole world went ahead and changed their DPs on Facebook when 'Love won'(according to who, thought?). But, let us take a step back and see. Does it reflect the real scheme of things? 

There is an occasional news of a gay marriage in California that we read about in the papers. Nobody really cares to know how long that marriage sustains for some strange reason. I wouldn't be bringing this question in a straight marriage, a) because I don't care. b) this entire post is about the fragility of gay relationships due to loyalty or rather the lack of it.

That brings us to the question why is loyalty so scarce among the gay community? 

Or is it not just the gay community?

When you look at the numbers, straight marriages obviously last longer than gay marriages. Some of the reasons are: 

#1 Validation 

As it happens with most other things in the animal kingdom, the human race is extremely socially conscious. Most sucky marriages, especially, straight ones survive mainly due to stigma and fear of society. Given a choice, they would freely walk away doing their own thing. But, their need for social validation is a lot more than their need to protect their own happiness. So, they let it cannibalise their happiness and suffer through a bad marriage. A relationship on the other hand is far more easier to let go off and breakups are mainstream now. When it comes to the gay community, we aren't there yet socially. Nobody actually cares if you are single or married and it really doesn't become as much of a talking point, except a few(read as most) of the gossip-mongering people, who nobody can do nothing about anyway. 

#2 Long Distance

There are so many women in my neighbourhood in Madras, whose husbands work in the Gulf countries and they don't even get to see them for years together. Yet, a conversation with a local doctor revealed to me some staggering numbers in terms of the number of abortion cases she had to deal with on a daily basis amidst those women. Well! Doctor-Patient confidentiality - RIP! 

The point is, humans are driven by their instincts and hormones. These 2 are way more powerful than what one can imagine and everyone succumbs to these things at some point or the other. However, a lot of times these things are not even revealed to the husband, who probably has his side to the story as well in a foreign land. 

In gay relationships/marriages too, distance is one of the factors for the lack of monogamy, which is closely yet mistakenly associated with loyalty. When both the parties are fine with an open relationship, it is a different story. However, when monogamy comes to play, that is the beginning of the end. 

#3 Lack of Commitment 

Well, for most other cases, I would simply attribute it to lack of commitment towards the relationship itself and to the partner in question. It isn't impossible to hold on to one person provided there is a will to do so. This is something each of us need to introspect and decide whether we can afford the amount of commitment a relationship needs. Sometimes, they can be very demanding and those are the moments of test of strength. Those who sail through successfully experience the proverbial 'happily ever after', for the rest it is the beginning of a new chapter. To each is his own. I am glad I don't have to mention 'her' in my previous sentence considering the context here. :)