How many boyfriends have you had?

Men love to compare. Whether it is salary or penis size or number of boyfriends, comparison is our birthright. Or so we think!

Relationships among gay men is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Loyalty, what's that? Monogamy, what's that again? Stability, huh? Drama-free, What the hell are you even talking about?

It is totally beyond my abilities to understand why people sign up for such things in life. Commitment is key to any relationship however, somehow men stray. I guess it is a natural tendency to do so. But, accepting a partner that strays is impossible in a gay relationship and I wonder why! Open relationships have lasted slightly longer than closed ones, at least in India.

Why are gay relationships so fragile?

Some reasons:

1. Laws of attraction - They're so fucked up. The guy looks like Bradley Cooper in week 1 of the relationship & ends up like Donald Trump on week 4. We somehow have the uncanny ability to magnify the good during the initial days. Later, familiarity breeds contempt and we tend to start missing out on the goodness and slowly develop a bitterness looking at reality, where every man has his flaws. At the end of it, in due course of time, the inability to accept the partner as he is overtakes the liking & it's "We need to talk" time!

2. Long distance - Done to death. Life is not Ajith Kumar's Fortress of Love! You can't live in Bangalore and he lives in Beijing and still have a monogamous, loving relationship unless you've completely pumped out all your testosterone. Sex is an important part of a relationship & distance makes sure that doesn't happen. That is the beginning of the end!

Not just that, the entire point of a relationship is the "being there" part. Gay men have the natural tendency to look at themselves as crusaders for a cause and the victim end of any situation and need "support". When you're not going to be "there", you've no place "there". Sense the tone! Sense the tone!!

3. Beyhadh! - Kushal Tandon is cute. We all agree. However, if the partner is going to be as possessive as the Beyhadh character, the china is heading towards a brick wall! Too much of anything isn't good for anything! That includes obsession. Stalking the partner's FB account, phone, Whatsapp etc. to check if he's straying is insinuating! It is as good as striking the match stick and putting it on your tender cotton-like relationship. NO! STOP IT NOW!

4. Trust - This is true for any relationship, not just homosexual. When there are trust issues with the partner, there is no room for tryst!

Sheer lack of commitment and not giving 100% to the relationship is one of the major major reasons for crumbling relationships. If you ask me, neither the relationship nor the heartbreak is worth it!

The fuck-ups in the mind!

I watched Dear Zindagi and cried like a baby.

There was a reference to a gay boy to whom Alia Bhatt asks why he goes to a shrink. She asks him whether he goes to one so that he could tell the world that he was gay. He responds saying he needs to go so that he could tell himself so.

I don't even know how many people got that reference. Nevertheless, some of us felt like applauding. But, we couldn't. The answer is obvious. Especially when you have gone solo to watch the film.

Being in denial with oneself is one feeling which many aren't familiar with until they have been in that spot. Imagine someone telling you that you have cancer, it would take months for it to sink in. And the physical pain would be so consuming that the sinking in problem would seem trivial as days pass by. But, imagine the support system you'd have when you would try to recover or get it treated. Now, being gay isn't a disease. Although clowns like Baba Ramdev or anchor Geeta feel so, it simply isn't one. However, the societal stigma and the stupid way popular movies portray gay men has imbibed a sense of shame in the minds of people about being homosexual.

This is such a deep problem that needs to be understood first and then accepted.

Even in the movie Aligarh, when the LGBT NGO activist urges Prof. Siras to sign the petition that he is gay, he hesitates and doesn't agree It is simply a challenge to accept him the way he is, thanks to the damage we have done.

It is not uncommon among the gay community to lie among themselves that they are bisexual. The stigma towards Transgenders is something I can't even begin to write about.

I remember a funny incident that happened over the weekend. I was chatting up with a 40+ year old man on Grindr, a popular gay dating app. His profile had some decent content. I asked for a pic and he shared. I communicated to him that I wasn't physically attracted to him. Then began the avalanche. He was hell-bent on having sex with me. However, he couldn't be convinced with the fact that he was not of my type and he immediately changed his tone. He went on to say I look like a Transgender and he could read people's faces. I replied "haha" & he accused me of being of dubious character and blocked me.

The point is it is still in people's minds that calling another person gay or transgender is a going to offend them. A real's person's identity is considered shameful & God knows who puts these thoughts in the minds of people. No wonder shrinks make a fortune counselling our community people.