Drunk & Laid

Never been that much of a drunkard all these years. But, the last 3 years have a very different story.

Initially, started drinking out of curiousity and then now it is more of a social exercise. At some point, drank because I was exploring the gay bar scene in different cities, countries etc.

Nevertheless, these days it is more of a seduction activity where I get people drunk and end up having sex with them. Not even sure if that's a good or a bad thing. 

Story of my weekend! Phew!!The drama...

Apologies for my prolonged absence. A few kind friends have reached out asking why I don't write anymore and I answered that there wasn't anything major to write about. BAM! Some drama unfolded over the weekend and I HAD to write this.

I was chatting with this person on Grindr who was an artist from Europe and is in town. We agreed to meet for coffee and met up at a mall around 5 in the evening. Had a very nice chat for about an hour and didn't know how to proceed next. A gay couple in the city was hosting him and there was no way we could go there. In the meanwhile, a friend of mine called asking if I was up for a 3some & I wasn't sure what to say. I proposed to my friend, the idea of a 4some and he was confused. He checked with his friend who was playing host that evening, only to call me back and say "He is afraid of foreigners." That was strike 1!

Not my type is fine.

I am not too sure is fine too.

A full-grown man, mid-30s saying something like "I am afraid of foreigners" is racist and wrong at several levels. And then suddenly there was a change of heart and we were asked to be there. Like idiots we went. A little bit of self-respect and we should have stayed away but then I will come to the self-respect part at the end of the post.

We reached the friend's friend's place in about 15 minutes as it wasn't too far from the mall.

By then, my friend had just arrived too. The 3 of us reached the gate of the host's apartment and guess what? Change of heart again! I was like WTF!!!! I asked me friend I need to see this man's face in person so that I would remember it for the rest of my life.

Surprise!

I was glad that we couldn't go ahead that evening with the 4some because this man came wearing streaks of holy ash on his forehead. One of those typical "My community" people, if I may say so and that's an absolute turn-off for me. I could sense that he was severely attracted to me but was genuinely not interested in my European friend. We said Hi Hello and my EU friend and I left. We headed to the beach kissing all the way in the auto. YES! We did that. NO! The auto guy didn't mind at all.

After a good hour's time in the beach, we joined his gay couple friends for dinner at a nice restaurant. And I was invited to their place which I politely declined and left. We got along pretty well though, all the 4 of us.

Now, where's the drama here? It started with a story the EU man told me at the cafe where we met.

He had come all the way from the North-East just because some guy who he hadn't even met in person had proposed to him through Facebook. #facepalm

How gullible I thought. 4 days they have lived together and things went southward after that. No wonder! He had to leave the internet-lover and live with this nice couple that were kind enough to open their house for him. I didn't think too much about it since I am nobody to judge.

The next morning, there were a couple of text messages between me and the EU man. He wanted to meet and we decided we would go to a spa. But, I mentioned to him the rates and he was sort of flabbergasted and we killed the idea. We decided to go to a few temples in Mylapore and I was as usual late by an hour to meet him at the Mylapore station. He was pissed but was OK in 5 minutes. :)

We went to a few temples and then had a meal at the Saravana Bhavan - so not me! so not me!! But he was too much in love with the typical Indian culture that for posterity sake, that experience had to be had. Then we headed to the A2B near the tank to buy some sweets. Then started the big drama.

Our man had forgotten to carry his jacket from the internet-lover's place while storming out. His flat key(Delhi, where he currently lives) is inside the jacket. He lives in a friend's apartment in Delhi and he HAD TO get the keys somehow.

While I was waiting at the counter to get the sweets packed, our man was loudly screaming on the phone. Enough to cause me embarrassment!

I had to tell him, can we finish this first and then go to that? Then I heard this jacket story.

The internet-lover was using the situation to get back at him and has been playing hide and seek with this man for the jacket since morning. "Come at 9 am" "Oh! No..I am busy. Come at 4". Our man couldn't prioritise and had told me 5:30 pm meeting. So couldn't go at 4 pm. That escalated quickly.

Now, we were at the Mylapore MRTS station where we had a talk that we probably shouldn't have done.

I am basically allergic to any kind of drama. That's one reason I have chosen to remain single(YES! BY CHOICE). And he was showing me the abusive messages our inter-loving-asshole had sent him about how kind and nice he was to tweak his "schedule" so that this man could go and take his jacket. I mentioned to our EU man, this is why I never stayed with anybody and chose to live in a hotel. He snapped "You're RICH!". I was like WHATTTTT???

Then I had to explain to him that it's not about rich or poor but some people value their independence and do not like to depend on others for anything. Our man snapped at me again saying that's why I hadn't seen much of the world at which point i lost it. I am 28 and I have seen 7 countries so fat in the last 5 years hailing from a normal middle class background. I work my ass off to make the money I need to travel the world which is my dream. I have domestic shit to deal with too although I am single. I have 2 dependants who I need to take care of and despite that I am proud of what I have been able to do in life, with my life and without having to be a parasite. I stopped there and there was stone-cold silence in the train.

Our man had the nerve to ask me if I would go with him to the internet-lover's place for support to collect the jacket. I refused but then after we reached Velachery MRTS, I changed my mind because I didn't want him to get lost. In the meanwhile, the internet-lover had blocked the EU man's phone and he used my phone to call him. He unceremoniously blocked my number too. I understood the gravity of the drama & wanted to flee as soon as I could.

I dropped him at the street corner and left.

10 mins later the EU man texts me he's done and was on his way home.

The internet-lover called me 43 times and I didn't pickup.

Looks like he was at the peak of depression and he assumed I was one of the persons in the gay couple that hosted the EU man. 44th time I picked but didn't say anything.

"Hello! Whoever you are, Nitin(name changed) or anyone..... The foreigner who you are hosting tried to murder me and I have launched a complaint with the police. (YES HE SAID LAUNCHED AS IF IT WAS A SATELLITE OR HIS PENIS)You are going to pay for his sins and the police will come to your place tomorrow. Be ready."

I couldn't help bursting out laughing and disconnected the call.

He flooded me with a flurry of Whatsapp messages.

After a while I called him back to give a piece of my mind. Asked him some basic questions like "Why would the police give me lead time for a night to flee the city?" He started giving gaalis in Hindi.

I also texted the EU man "It was nice meeting you yesterday but today wasn't all that good. Good bye."

How many boyfriends have you had?

Men love to compare. Whether it is salary or penis size or number of boyfriends, comparison is our birthright. Or so we think!

Relationships among gay men is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Loyalty, what's that? Monogamy, what's that again? Stability, huh? Drama-free, What the hell are you even talking about?

It is totally beyond my abilities to understand why people sign up for such things in life. Commitment is key to any relationship however, somehow men stray. I guess it is a natural tendency to do so. But, accepting a partner that strays is impossible in a gay relationship and I wonder why! Open relationships have lasted slightly longer than closed ones, at least in India.

Why are gay relationships so fragile?

Some reasons:

1. Laws of attraction - They're so fucked up. The guy looks like Bradley Cooper in week 1 of the relationship & ends up like Donald Trump on week 4. We somehow have the uncanny ability to magnify the good during the initial days. Later, familiarity breeds contempt and we tend to start missing out on the goodness and slowly develop a bitterness looking at reality, where every man has his flaws. At the end of it, in due course of time, the inability to accept the partner as he is overtakes the liking & it's "We need to talk" time!

2. Long distance - Done to death. Life is not Ajith Kumar's Fortress of Love! You can't live in Bangalore and he lives in Beijing and still have a monogamous, loving relationship unless you've completely pumped out all your testosterone. Sex is an important part of a relationship & distance makes sure that doesn't happen. That is the beginning of the end!

Not just that, the entire point of a relationship is the "being there" part. Gay men have the natural tendency to look at themselves as crusaders for a cause and the victim end of any situation and need "support". When you're not going to be "there", you've no place "there". Sense the tone! Sense the tone!!

3. Beyhadh! - Kushal Tandon is cute. We all agree. However, if the partner is going to be as possessive as the Beyhadh character, the china is heading towards a brick wall! Too much of anything isn't good for anything! That includes obsession. Stalking the partner's FB account, phone, Whatsapp etc. to check if he's straying is insinuating! It is as good as striking the match stick and putting it on your tender cotton-like relationship. NO! STOP IT NOW!

4. Trust - This is true for any relationship, not just homosexual. When there are trust issues with the partner, there is no room for tryst!

Sheer lack of commitment and not giving 100% to the relationship is one of the major major reasons for crumbling relationships. If you ask me, neither the relationship nor the heartbreak is worth it!

Where are all the women?

I have been gay since the time I ever knew what was going on around me. I guess it was something that I was fully aware of even before I finished class VII. My first online dating account was created when I was 15! 

With that said, it is rather surprising to me that I have no idea how Lesbian network operates. If you ask me apps for gay men, I can give you a whole list. However, I can't think of even one for Lesbians. I have written at length about Courtrallam, Trichur Pooram etc. I wonder if there is a universe that operates for the women of this country as well. 

Even in mainstream TV shows, there is hardly any prominent female gay character. I hate the context of cheap comedy in which gay men are portrayed but there is not even that for women who are gay. 

How does that universe operate? 

I know a bunch of straight friends of mine who just love to watch Lesbian porn. I guess their phobia for the male genitals is one of the reasons for the choice they are making. However, I am not too sure if there exist some women who take special interest in watching gay porn. A lot of women I have met in life and have had a chance to talk to about gay life, have actually frowned. There are morons like TV anchor Geeta who threaten people to get 'normal'. Women apparently have a better sense of empathy is what I hear & read. However, this attitude of intolerance & aversion makes me question if that is true. 

I have not been to Pride events & stuff. Hence, the chances of me meeting a Lesbian couple is zero. As a person of interest in LGBT stories & issues, I am really curious to know about that parallel universe. I hope I will get to understand its dynamics some day. 

Why do gay people blindly breed hatred?

The general human attitude towards aliens is negative. It is evident from all of the movies that Hollywood churns decade after decade. This fact is evident even in the evolution of human race where in the initial years, people used to fight wars with people of neighbouring regions simply because their culture, habits and races were alien to them. Aliens are considered a threat to one's security and well-being.Well! How much of it is true, we don't know. A lot of times, such fears are simply irrational and blown way out of proportion.

In the gay paradigm, there is a very striking paradox when it comes to this. Disagreement is something this breed cannot accept with grace. Whether it is ideological differences or preferential differences, it simply is an excuse to start screaming slogans, holding placards & rant \on Facebook. We have seen several instances involving a Donald Trump or Narendra Modi in recent times where our men simply love to hate them. Reason? Apparently, homophobia. What's worse? Anybody who has a different point of view is considered homophobic and a blot in the LGBT society.

Now, this is something I have a major issue with. On one hand, we talk about One Love, the universal nature of love, lust etc. We seek acceptance & ask people not to hate us for what we are. On the other hand, we don't think twice to put down our own breed simply because they have a different viewpoint. I am not asking all the gay people to go and hug Mr. Modi or Trump. However, the venom spewing is such a caustic thing to do. Those who are willing to take corruption over intolerance, I only have one thing to say. You are a privileged ass that cannot see the real worth of what you have in life. You never earned it & you were just born in affluent, well-to-do households in countries that are not torn by war. Because, if the opposite had happened, you would know the value of every minute you spend without hearing a bombshell. You would be thankful for every morsel of food on your plate. You would be grateful for having the privilege of using a fancy phone with dating apps. You would be happy to kiss and make love to the one guy you get to meet on a Saturday night. Being spoilt with multiple choices and variety has put you on a pedestal where you look down upon everything else in the name of 'preference'. Even worse, spewing venom and hatred over others who don't even have a real impact in your day-to-day scheme of things. Wake up my friend, wake up! 

The fuck-ups in the mind!

I watched Dear Zindagi and cried like a baby.

There was a reference to a gay boy to whom Alia Bhatt asks why he goes to a shrink. She asks him whether he goes to one so that he could tell the world that he was gay. He responds saying he needs to go so that he could tell himself so.

I don't even know how many people got that reference. Nevertheless, some of us felt like applauding. But, we couldn't. The answer is obvious. Especially when you have gone solo to watch the film.

Being in denial with oneself is one feeling which many aren't familiar with until they have been in that spot. Imagine someone telling you that you have cancer, it would take months for it to sink in. And the physical pain would be so consuming that the sinking in problem would seem trivial as days pass by. But, imagine the support system you'd have when you would try to recover or get it treated. Now, being gay isn't a disease. Although clowns like Baba Ramdev or anchor Geeta feel so, it simply isn't one. However, the societal stigma and the stupid way popular movies portray gay men has imbibed a sense of shame in the minds of people about being homosexual.

This is such a deep problem that needs to be understood first and then accepted.

Even in the movie Aligarh, when the LGBT NGO activist urges Prof. Siras to sign the petition that he is gay, he hesitates and doesn't agree It is simply a challenge to accept him the way he is, thanks to the damage we have done.

It is not uncommon among the gay community to lie among themselves that they are bisexual. The stigma towards Transgenders is something I can't even begin to write about.

I remember a funny incident that happened over the weekend. I was chatting up with a 40+ year old man on Grindr, a popular gay dating app. His profile had some decent content. I asked for a pic and he shared. I communicated to him that I wasn't physically attracted to him. Then began the avalanche. He was hell-bent on having sex with me. However, he couldn't be convinced with the fact that he was not of my type and he immediately changed his tone. He went on to say I look like a Transgender and he could read people's faces. I replied "haha" & he accused me of being of dubious character and blocked me.

The point is it is still in people's minds that calling another person gay or transgender is a going to offend them. A real's person's identity is considered shameful & God knows who puts these thoughts in the minds of people. No wonder shrinks make a fortune counselling our community people. 

My experience in Courtrallam

First of all, my apologies for not being able to post anything for over 10 days now. Travel & work have been eating up my time. I didn't resolve to do one post a day but the expression was sort of healthy I thought for my well-being. Nevertheless, didn't feel the need to write anything for the last 10 days.

Here I am back after a weekend in Coutrallam, a quaint little town near Tirunelveli in Tamilnadu after the gay meet. It had all kinds of people from corporate to corporation, transformational to transgenders, the queens & the quaint.

I was taking a walk near the waterfalls that afternoon & it started drizzling. I took shelter at a place where a group of people were already seated. The minute I entered the enclosure they struck a conversation about my whereabouts. It was a group of semi-naked gay/bi men who were there after taking a shower in the falls. I couldn't help notice the severe bite marks in their nipples & I did imagine the kind of things they'd be doing in their cottage.

Some number swapping happened & I left.

That evening was the main attraction where 100s of gay men would assemble at the park & I went too. Unfortunately, I wasn't keeping too well & had to return in 10 minutes flat to my hotel room. I ended up sleeping 12 hours straight that night without any partner. The next day, the entire place was almost empty and people started leaving. I went to a place called 5 falls & took a shower. A lot of the crowd from the park the previous evening was present. Some Hellos were exchanged.

That evening I went to the park again only to be looked at & commented by a group of transgenders.I paid no heed for a while as I was busy on my phone. Later, I went & spoke to them and that turned out one of the warmest conversations ever. Such lovely people.

Later, I started combing the dark nooks of the park in the hope that I would find a soul similar to me doing the same. There were a few such souls. Not bad, I thought & started speaking to some of them. One of them turned out to be a regular at that yearly meetup & took me to the gaysiest lodge where maximum action apparently happened. Man! It was such a thing. Every room was filled with gay men of all shapes, sizes & ages. Not that they were having sex. Just drinking, talking, eating & relaxing. but, I was told that the action began at around 12 midnight the previous night & went on till about 5 am in the morning. Not a tree was spared, nor a car nor even an open ground where 100s of people had steamy random sex. I only pictured it in my head & I am not even sure if I would be comfortable doing such a thing with so many people.

Later I met a few people I knew not from the gay context. Ended up drinking late into the night & crashing at their place with minimal action in the night which was thoroughly enjoyable.

It was one of the most refreshing weekends on a severely low budget I had & I look forward to more such interesting experiences.