Dealing with the 'whatif' & 'how i wish' folks

As a gay man, I get to experience this every single day of my life. Just like straight men, we also have our own desires and we ogle at men that we meet everyday. The cab driver, the passenger in the bus, the neighbourhood storekeeper, the ticket collector, the random face that waits for the office lift, visitors to office, cafeteria, railway stations, temples, name it & they are there. There is at least one sexy guy who you wish would rip his shirt off, show you his chest, let you kiss it, lick it, do whatever you want with it, unzip & shove his dick into your mouth and you can lose yourself in the musk of his manhood.

But, you can't!

How do you deal with this on a daily basis?

I have a few colleagues who I think are super hot. But, there is really not much I can do about it. Yes, we tend to make some desperate moves at times but that shouldn't put us in awkward situations, especially in the workplace.

But, what I find even more difficult to handle is the guys who sort of play around with you and act like a tease. Maybe they have a hint about your sexuality and they are curious too. Or so, you think. The way they interact with you gives an impression that they want to get totally naked with you or it often refers to some private parts of the body that you rarely discuss with you. Their body language is different with you. I have had some people touch my butt while they speak to me or get totally over me whenever there is a chance. It isn't everyday that you get the chance to put your arms around your colleagues, right? But, when you travel somewhere as a team or pose for a group selfie or something, the touch is a giveaway.

Now, I have figured a way to find out if any of this is true at all. We are planning a trip during a weekend to go to a resort with a swimming pool and just get sloshed. I obviously would be able to make out the difference between the real & the fake when I stare at their "bulge" in the pool. Not just that, I also have the pretext of being drunk for my "accidental" touches in their crotch. If it works, it works. Else it doesn't. How do you guys figure out & deal with these situations?

Random Rants about LGBT events & occasions

Traditionally, there are certain festivals happen such as the Transgender festival near Dinidivanam(I suppose), the Kutralam festival around August 15th, The Trichur Pooram which has become a mammoth gay fest of sorts, the Aluva Shivrathri again. However, these are a result of years and years of organic formations.

When I talk about gay-friendly festivals, is there any concert featuring a gay artist in the middle of a jungle where gay men can pitch their tents and spend the night around campfire, disco, booze etc. like the Sunburn festival or NH10 weekend types. It is surprising that despite the support many celebrities show for LGBT people, events like these are few and far.

There are of course a lot of queer film festivals happening. Nevertheless, I haven't really found myself comfortable at all. I tried going there by myself. I tried going there with friends. It really didn't work for me at all. In fact, it was even more intimidating to be part of that place where queens walked in and out like they owned the place. Not to mention, the cringe-worthy PDA crowd. 'What's the matter with these people?' I have wondered. Not that I am saint and I am totally against PDA but as long as there is no pretence about it, it is fine. More often than not, it is merely another additional attention-seeking item on the checklist for most. I say this so because, I have seen these same mouths that kissed passionately in the darkness of the film screening room that were blowing cocks of random people in the washroom.

The next set that sort of captures my attention is enthusiastic organizers. It is more often than not, a nice money-spinning exercise where the vulnerabilities of a newbie to the scene is plundered and his bank account gets punctured. The 'gang leader' tag that people associate with these people sound like some underworld Don from Dubai but sadly in reality, they put to shame drag queens from Vegas!

At times, I even wonder if I am a sociophobe because there is really very very very few people in the planet that I can feel genuinely comfortable with, be myself & just have a good time.

Nevertheless, as long as there is some way for our community to come together at a given place & time, in every city, I think that is the day, we wouldn't really be needing a list of cruising places compiled here or on Ohmojo or anywhere else.

Happy hunting!

5 Reasons why Gay people make the world a better place

We live in a world that could have been better. For every new medicinal innovation, there is a new disease. For every treaty signed, a war breaks out elsewhere. For every life saved, somewhere else, someone's is lost. The disparity between the first & the third world is staggering.

Where is the hope?

Well! It would rather be sweeping to say 'gay men'. But, there's a lot more advantage for the society due to this community than possibly any other community.

How?

#1 Population

We seriously don't need more population on this planet which is already very crowded. The common notion is so skewed and twisted that if a man has to be responsible, that will either happen when he is married(to a woman) and if that doesn't happen, it will automatically happen when he has a kid. Now, what about the woman and kid? For every man who is course-corrected to be "responsible", aren't 2 irresponsible beings being created? Barring very few rare cases, gay couples prefer adoption to procreating using test tubes. The world needs more such people!

#2 No sexual violence against women

Women will feel a lot more safer in a world where they aren't sexually oppressed and subjected to violence. There is no way gay men would resort to that kind of violence with women(I can even vouch men). Everything works with mutual consent.

#3 Happiness

The world would seriously be a happier place. Aren't we all called 'gay' with a reason?

#4 Pursuit of Excellence

It is a well-established fact that gay people are far more relentless and focussed in their careers and create success, wealth and value as much as anyone else, or even better. Tim Cook, Megan Ellison, Elton John, Ricky Martin, Ellen DeGeneres you could go on and on. The standards they have set are really high and we wouldn't settle for mediocrity at any cost. This is not just good for themselves but they create value for the society at large.

#5 Goodness

I have met 1000s of gay men and I am yet to meet a man who is as greedy as a straight man. There's a lot more contentment, happiness and gay people are greedy only for love. Nothing else. There will be no plundering of natural resources or wealth or other people's happiness when you are at peace with yourself. The gay community is extremely good as gold at heart. This goodness only spreads and we don't go for wars. All we go for is Love Jihad!

If a lot of people are going to be homophobic, it wouldn't be wrong to say they have a problem with a peaceful, happier world with civilised people who do just about their own thing. This is the kind of (not so)humans that is a bane to the planet spreading hate, chaos, violence and all sorts of negativity.

It is good for the world that there is still a small amount of human race that constantly strives to make this place better by being just their natural self. Here's to all the gay people in the world. Big O! 

Why is loyalty is scarcity in gay relationships?

There's true love and equal love and N shades of in between. It's all beautiful to trend on twitter and facebook. The whole world went ahead and changed their DPs on Facebook when 'Love won'(according to who, thought?). But, let us take a step back and see. Does it reflect the real scheme of things? 

There is an occasional news of a gay marriage in California that we read about in the papers. Nobody really cares to know how long that marriage sustains for some strange reason. I wouldn't be bringing this question in a straight marriage, a) because I don't care. b) this entire post is about the fragility of gay relationships due to loyalty or rather the lack of it.

That brings us to the question why is loyalty so scarce among the gay community? 

Or is it not just the gay community?

When you look at the numbers, straight marriages obviously last longer than gay marriages. Some of the reasons are: 

#1 Validation 

As it happens with most other things in the animal kingdom, the human race is extremely socially conscious. Most sucky marriages, especially, straight ones survive mainly due to stigma and fear of society. Given a choice, they would freely walk away doing their own thing. But, their need for social validation is a lot more than their need to protect their own happiness. So, they let it cannibalise their happiness and suffer through a bad marriage. A relationship on the other hand is far more easier to let go off and breakups are mainstream now. When it comes to the gay community, we aren't there yet socially. Nobody actually cares if you are single or married and it really doesn't become as much of a talking point, except a few(read as most) of the gossip-mongering people, who nobody can do nothing about anyway. 

#2 Long Distance

There are so many women in my neighbourhood in Madras, whose husbands work in the Gulf countries and they don't even get to see them for years together. Yet, a conversation with a local doctor revealed to me some staggering numbers in terms of the number of abortion cases she had to deal with on a daily basis amidst those women. Well! Doctor-Patient confidentiality - RIP! 

The point is, humans are driven by their instincts and hormones. These 2 are way more powerful than what one can imagine and everyone succumbs to these things at some point or the other. However, a lot of times these things are not even revealed to the husband, who probably has his side to the story as well in a foreign land. 

In gay relationships/marriages too, distance is one of the factors for the lack of monogamy, which is closely yet mistakenly associated with loyalty. When both the parties are fine with an open relationship, it is a different story. However, when monogamy comes to play, that is the beginning of the end. 

#3 Lack of Commitment 

Well, for most other cases, I would simply attribute it to lack of commitment towards the relationship itself and to the partner in question. It isn't impossible to hold on to one person provided there is a will to do so. This is something each of us need to introspect and decide whether we can afford the amount of commitment a relationship needs. Sometimes, they can be very demanding and those are the moments of test of strength. Those who sail through successfully experience the proverbial 'happily ever after', for the rest it is the beginning of a new chapter. To each is his own. I am glad I don't have to mention 'her' in my previous sentence considering the context here. :) 

5 Real reasons behind homophobia

It is sickening to think people use the word 'gay' as an abuse and often times, it is not even apparent to them that it is as heinous as racism. What is even more appalling is the liberal unmindful usage on apparently evolved streams of social media where they use the word for name-calling, thinking that's what they are doing. What one doesn't realise is that gays are actually better than straight men at practically everything they do. Now, I will reserve that for another post. 

What one cant' deny is the fact that a large section of "modern" society is naturally homophobic or they at least need to pretend to be so, in order to get majoritarian acceptance. There is a stigma around being 'gay' and it is impossible for many to even reason with the fact that they are as normal as anybody else. Being gay is an attribute and not an identity. 

#1 Minority Community

The world isn't a fair place. In a planet of 7 billion people, of which let us safely assume at least 3 billion are grown up men, only 45,000 people are online on Planetromeo. That, for a small sample, proves that we are 0.00000642857% of the human race. Small enough to be called 'minority' community. To most of the planet, we don't even exist considering how small the numbers are. Despite that, our voices are heard. Thanks to the power of the internet and other mediums of free speech. It is natural, at least according to Charles Darwin, we need to fight for our existence. 

#2 Stigma 

In reality, people are actually not that homophobic. Seriously! With the kind of everyday battles people are fighting day-in and day-out with disease, distress, war, unemployment, economic issues and many more roadblocks for peaceful existence, who really has the time to think about 0.00000642857% of the human race? Let us be practical. Nobody gives a damn! Yet, imagine if 1 person among a group of 5 men says something in favour of the gay community. The very next question would be 'Are you gay?'. It is as stupid as asking a male advocate of woman's rights 'Are you a woman?' or an animal activist 'Are you a cow?'. Yet, nobody thinks for a second about asking such ridiculously stupid questions. The easiest way to deal with such situations or rather avoid them altogether is just be part of the larger group and nod in favour of their opinions, no matter how stupid they are! 

#3 Drama

Gay men are partially to be blamed for homophobia too. I know a lot of my readers wouldn't buy this idea of mine. Yet, I am going to go ahead and say it. A lot of gay men are unnecessarily dramatic and the air they carry around is often annoying even to other gay men. Like I mentioned, being gay is a part of you and that isn't the ONLY thing that defines you. Subtlety is an art. Overdose of anything isn't good and that applies to expressing oneself too. If you are loud and attention-seeking, the phobia that you receive is more on account of that and not being gay itself. It is also because of this kind of crowd that Karan Johar movies portray them in a certain way and further reinforce the opinions in the minds of people. If you would like people to accept you normally, the way you are, there is just one way to do it. Be normal. Nobody likes tantrums! Seriously. 

#4 Religion

A lot of religious beliefs have been misconstrued and propagated incorrectly over the years. The gatekeepers to God have unfailingly chosen to either ignore or add to the agony by further giving their own not-so-creative touch to it. So, these so-called messiahs and God-men have time and again made sure that the 0.00000642857% of human race is some sort of typo on the planet. In any case, most religious outfits and institutions have been built using oppression as brick and fear as mortar. It is rather too unsurprising for me to believe that we have been easy targets. 

#5 Frustration

Most humans are in real, frustrated creatures. They look for excuses all the time to cover up their inadequacies and incompetencies. Let us just face the fact that most people live a terrible life lost in paying education loans, car loans, EMIs and where is the time for living your dreams and that vacation that you wanted to take to Venice? Gay men are often free from such commitments and far more successful in life in terms of career, finance etc. and can afford to take such luxurious vacations. I don't want to stereotype here but a lot of gay men are opulent and love living a good life and having the best of things. They are because they bloody can! The only way for the losers to get back at them is homophobia. Well! who cares! :P 

I know this isn't the most thought-provoking piece of writing ever. It isn't even the most sensible one. Nor is the language savour-worthy. Yet, when you look at things deeply, these are some basic things that we fail to take a look at and that actually influence human thinking and behaviour. If you have a different point of view, feel free to share it with me. 

Chennai Gay Cruising Places

Updated list of gay cruising places in Chennai 

Last updated on 15th December 2016

Being a single gay man in this city, that is unafraid of exploring the city's deepest and darkest corners, here is a list of places from my experiences where you stand a real high chance of meeting the man you'd like to indulge in: 

1. Electric Trains: 

Railway stations used to be a buzzing place of male sexual activity. However, with the recent events and the new Government, things have drastically changed and the platforms are not safe anymore to indulge in any kind of mild or hardcore sexual activity. So, if someone is telling you Guindy station, St. Thomas Mount station, Villivakkam station, Trisulam station, then they are referring to 2009 and not 2016. Do NOT risk going and searching for men in these places.

The trains however haven't changed all that much. The vendors compartment used to be a place of high sexual activity in the nights but now that has changed too. If you need to pick up men, go to the first compartment and start near the door. Always works.

2. Krishnaveni theatre:

The old, almost in ruins theatre opposite T.Nagar busstand is still a place where men of the really local class go for a blowjob. This place is feeming with sexual activity especially in the evenings. Beware of the management that sends some local goons to beat up people indulging in sex to keep a check. It is not too often and the guys who come with sticks are generally very dumb. They look around for 5 minutes and then go away. They're pretty useless. You can continue your action.

Caution: The place is very unclean and sickening. They guys who come aren't classy either. However, if you don't care about all that once in a while, go for it.

3. Ramapuram Signal:

There is a shrub near Jayant Tech Park and Ramapuram signal. That shrub is still a hub for all sorts of action. Not really much hindrances. Watch out for policemen in the booth at the signal but they generally don't even bother.

4. Ground opposite International airport:

In the nights, the ground opposite to airport suddenly springs into action. There is a line of taxis waiting to pick up people from the airport in the night flights. They are generally horny in the nights and really won't mind some action. The best thing to do is, talk to them, get into the cab and go off somewhere else. It is not recommended to have sex in the ground or the car at that place itself.

5. Streets near Satyam cinemas:

After it is dark, the narrow streets around Satyam cinemas & even between Escape and Satyam is an ideal point to pick up men. In fact, a lot of times, when I finish watching a movie at around 11:30 pm in the night and walk on those roads, lots of 2-wheelers have stopped and men have approached me. I haven't felt really comfortable at that time and declined. However, if you are a daring person and won't mind some risk, check it out.

Caution: Do not carry any valuables. Carry no/little cash.

6. 100 ft. road - Velachery

The T-junction near Phoenix Market city is a place where a lot of auto drivers and cab drivers assemble in the nights. The chances of you getting action are really really high. Night time around 1 am when movies generally get over, just go and stand there for sometime. They will start giving you all kinds of signals such as watching porn on their phones and flashing their phones at you, scratching their dick etc. It is quite an ideal place for pickups. Watch out for the cops.

7. Nungambakkam area

Sterling road and in and around Loyola college is a place where a lot of red light activity happens. I have seen it several times but never dared to go and walk on those roads. However, the nights are a good time to explore that place and I am told, you would run into really good looking men.

8. The Park

The bar in the The Park is a place where most Tamil movie actors hunt for men/boys. A lot of cine industry people are bisexual and they pickup boys from 'The Pasha'. A lot of my friends have been approached by leading actors(through their managers) from the bar. It is upto you to risk it.

9. Pallavaram-Thoraipakkam ring road

It may not be the safest of places, but I have just had to walk in these places in the nights. Vehicles would slow down, 2-wheelers would stop, lorries and trucks would stop. Everybody would want to consume you. I am quite tough looking and a stare is enough to shoo them away. If you are gutsy enough and won't mind an ocasional fist fight, go for it.

10. DLF - 5th Block - Washroom

The washrooms in the foodcourt of DLF are places of massive action after 6 pm on weekdays. Enough said. Check it out.

11. Art festivals

Madras is the cultural hub of Chennai. As unusual as it sounds, concert halls mainly for dance are such an opportunity to seek some male action. Try out the Music Academy washroom, main halls at Krishna Gana Sabha, Narada gana Sabha & all those places mainly during dance concerts and 8/10 men may be gay!:) :P I have had success in such places.

That's all for now. Will update later.