How many boyfriends have you had?

Men love to compare. Whether it is salary or penis size or number of boyfriends, comparison is our birthright. Or so we think!

Relationships among gay men is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Loyalty, what's that? Monogamy, what's that again? Stability, huh? Drama-free, What the hell are you even talking about?

It is totally beyond my abilities to understand why people sign up for such things in life. Commitment is key to any relationship however, somehow men stray. I guess it is a natural tendency to do so. But, accepting a partner that strays is impossible in a gay relationship and I wonder why! Open relationships have lasted slightly longer than closed ones, at least in India.

Why are gay relationships so fragile?

Some reasons:

1. Laws of attraction - They're so fucked up. The guy looks like Bradley Cooper in week 1 of the relationship & ends up like Donald Trump on week 4. We somehow have the uncanny ability to magnify the good during the initial days. Later, familiarity breeds contempt and we tend to start missing out on the goodness and slowly develop a bitterness looking at reality, where every man has his flaws. At the end of it, in due course of time, the inability to accept the partner as he is overtakes the liking & it's "We need to talk" time!

2. Long distance - Done to death. Life is not Ajith Kumar's Fortress of Love! You can't live in Bangalore and he lives in Beijing and still have a monogamous, loving relationship unless you've completely pumped out all your testosterone. Sex is an important part of a relationship & distance makes sure that doesn't happen. That is the beginning of the end!

Not just that, the entire point of a relationship is the "being there" part. Gay men have the natural tendency to look at themselves as crusaders for a cause and the victim end of any situation and need "support". When you're not going to be "there", you've no place "there". Sense the tone! Sense the tone!!

3. Beyhadh! - Kushal Tandon is cute. We all agree. However, if the partner is going to be as possessive as the Beyhadh character, the china is heading towards a brick wall! Too much of anything isn't good for anything! That includes obsession. Stalking the partner's FB account, phone, Whatsapp etc. to check if he's straying is insinuating! It is as good as striking the match stick and putting it on your tender cotton-like relationship. NO! STOP IT NOW!

4. Trust - This is true for any relationship, not just homosexual. When there are trust issues with the partner, there is no room for tryst!

Sheer lack of commitment and not giving 100% to the relationship is one of the major major reasons for crumbling relationships. If you ask me, neither the relationship nor the heartbreak is worth it!

Where are all the women?

I have been gay since the time I ever knew what was going on around me. I guess it was something that I was fully aware of even before I finished class VII. My first online dating account was created when I was 15! 

With that said, it is rather surprising to me that I have no idea how Lesbian network operates. If you ask me apps for gay men, I can give you a whole list. However, I can't think of even one for Lesbians. I have written at length about Courtrallam, Trichur Pooram etc. I wonder if there is a universe that operates for the women of this country as well. 

Even in mainstream TV shows, there is hardly any prominent female gay character. I hate the context of cheap comedy in which gay men are portrayed but there is not even that for women who are gay. 

How does that universe operate? 

I know a bunch of straight friends of mine who just love to watch Lesbian porn. I guess their phobia for the male genitals is one of the reasons for the choice they are making. However, I am not too sure if there exist some women who take special interest in watching gay porn. A lot of women I have met in life and have had a chance to talk to about gay life, have actually frowned. There are morons like TV anchor Geeta who threaten people to get 'normal'. Women apparently have a better sense of empathy is what I hear & read. However, this attitude of intolerance & aversion makes me question if that is true. 

I have not been to Pride events & stuff. Hence, the chances of me meeting a Lesbian couple is zero. As a person of interest in LGBT stories & issues, I am really curious to know about that parallel universe. I hope I will get to understand its dynamics some day. 

Why do gay people blindly breed hatred?

The general human attitude towards aliens is negative. It is evident from all of the movies that Hollywood churns decade after decade. This fact is evident even in the evolution of human race where in the initial years, people used to fight wars with people of neighbouring regions simply because their culture, habits and races were alien to them. Aliens are considered a threat to one's security and well-being.Well! How much of it is true, we don't know. A lot of times, such fears are simply irrational and blown way out of proportion.

In the gay paradigm, there is a very striking paradox when it comes to this. Disagreement is something this breed cannot accept with grace. Whether it is ideological differences or preferential differences, it simply is an excuse to start screaming slogans, holding placards & rant \on Facebook. We have seen several instances involving a Donald Trump or Narendra Modi in recent times where our men simply love to hate them. Reason? Apparently, homophobia. What's worse? Anybody who has a different point of view is considered homophobic and a blot in the LGBT society.

Now, this is something I have a major issue with. On one hand, we talk about One Love, the universal nature of love, lust etc. We seek acceptance & ask people not to hate us for what we are. On the other hand, we don't think twice to put down our own breed simply because they have a different viewpoint. I am not asking all the gay people to go and hug Mr. Modi or Trump. However, the venom spewing is such a caustic thing to do. Those who are willing to take corruption over intolerance, I only have one thing to say. You are a privileged ass that cannot see the real worth of what you have in life. You never earned it & you were just born in affluent, well-to-do households in countries that are not torn by war. Because, if the opposite had happened, you would know the value of every minute you spend without hearing a bombshell. You would be thankful for every morsel of food on your plate. You would be grateful for having the privilege of using a fancy phone with dating apps. You would be happy to kiss and make love to the one guy you get to meet on a Saturday night. Being spoilt with multiple choices and variety has put you on a pedestal where you look down upon everything else in the name of 'preference'. Even worse, spewing venom and hatred over others who don't even have a real impact in your day-to-day scheme of things. Wake up my friend, wake up! 

The fuck-ups in the mind!

I watched Dear Zindagi and cried like a baby.

There was a reference to a gay boy to whom Alia Bhatt asks why he goes to a shrink. She asks him whether he goes to one so that he could tell the world that he was gay. He responds saying he needs to go so that he could tell himself so.

I don't even know how many people got that reference. Nevertheless, some of us felt like applauding. But, we couldn't. The answer is obvious. Especially when you have gone solo to watch the film.

Being in denial with oneself is one feeling which many aren't familiar with until they have been in that spot. Imagine someone telling you that you have cancer, it would take months for it to sink in. And the physical pain would be so consuming that the sinking in problem would seem trivial as days pass by. But, imagine the support system you'd have when you would try to recover or get it treated. Now, being gay isn't a disease. Although clowns like Baba Ramdev or anchor Geeta feel so, it simply isn't one. However, the societal stigma and the stupid way popular movies portray gay men has imbibed a sense of shame in the minds of people about being homosexual.

This is such a deep problem that needs to be understood first and then accepted.

Even in the movie Aligarh, when the LGBT NGO activist urges Prof. Siras to sign the petition that he is gay, he hesitates and doesn't agree It is simply a challenge to accept him the way he is, thanks to the damage we have done.

It is not uncommon among the gay community to lie among themselves that they are bisexual. The stigma towards Transgenders is something I can't even begin to write about.

I remember a funny incident that happened over the weekend. I was chatting up with a 40+ year old man on Grindr, a popular gay dating app. His profile had some decent content. I asked for a pic and he shared. I communicated to him that I wasn't physically attracted to him. Then began the avalanche. He was hell-bent on having sex with me. However, he couldn't be convinced with the fact that he was not of my type and he immediately changed his tone. He went on to say I look like a Transgender and he could read people's faces. I replied "haha" & he accused me of being of dubious character and blocked me.

The point is it is still in people's minds that calling another person gay or transgender is a going to offend them. A real's person's identity is considered shameful & God knows who puts these thoughts in the minds of people. No wonder shrinks make a fortune counselling our community people. 

My experience in Courtrallam

First of all, my apologies for not being able to post anything for over 10 days now. Travel & work have been eating up my time. I didn't resolve to do one post a day but the expression was sort of healthy I thought for my well-being. Nevertheless, didn't feel the need to write anything for the last 10 days.

Here I am back after a weekend in Coutrallam, a quaint little town near Tirunelveli in Tamilnadu after the gay meet. It had all kinds of people from corporate to corporation, transformational to transgenders, the queens & the quaint.

I was taking a walk near the waterfalls that afternoon & it started drizzling. I took shelter at a place where a group of people were already seated. The minute I entered the enclosure they struck a conversation about my whereabouts. It was a group of semi-naked gay/bi men who were there after taking a shower in the falls. I couldn't help notice the severe bite marks in their nipples & I did imagine the kind of things they'd be doing in their cottage.

Some number swapping happened & I left.

That evening was the main attraction where 100s of gay men would assemble at the park & I went too. Unfortunately, I wasn't keeping too well & had to return in 10 minutes flat to my hotel room. I ended up sleeping 12 hours straight that night without any partner. The next day, the entire place was almost empty and people started leaving. I went to a place called 5 falls & took a shower. A lot of the crowd from the park the previous evening was present. Some Hellos were exchanged.

That evening I went to the park again only to be looked at & commented by a group of transgenders.I paid no heed for a while as I was busy on my phone. Later, I went & spoke to them and that turned out one of the warmest conversations ever. Such lovely people.

Later, I started combing the dark nooks of the park in the hope that I would find a soul similar to me doing the same. There were a few such souls. Not bad, I thought & started speaking to some of them. One of them turned out to be a regular at that yearly meetup & took me to the gaysiest lodge where maximum action apparently happened. Man! It was such a thing. Every room was filled with gay men of all shapes, sizes & ages. Not that they were having sex. Just drinking, talking, eating & relaxing. but, I was told that the action began at around 12 midnight the previous night & went on till about 5 am in the morning. Not a tree was spared, nor a car nor even an open ground where 100s of people had steamy random sex. I only pictured it in my head & I am not even sure if I would be comfortable doing such a thing with so many people.

Later I met a few people I knew not from the gay context. Ended up drinking late into the night & crashing at their place with minimal action in the night which was thoroughly enjoyable.

It was one of the most refreshing weekends on a severely low budget I had & I look forward to more such interesting experiences.

When did you discover your sexuality?

Discovery is an amazing process. It is a great feeling when a surprise is thrown at you and it gives a rush in your body like nothing else does. A lot of times, when I read the first time experience of boys either with a partner or even when they masturbate is just so damn turning on plus puts a smile on the face.

Unfortunately, for me, I was a victim of child abuse & I was fed with mouthfuls of dicks since the age of 3 and a half. So, I developed a taste for it more than that coming out naturally through a process of discovery through an unplanned sequence of events.

Later, as I grew up, I had the chance to do "it" with a lot of my cousins. This is around the time when I was 10-15. That is the time when changes happen in your body and you're amazed at the sudden enlarging of your penis and so on. I even remember walking on the road & looking at the chest hair of a man. I wasn't wearing underpants and I had an erection. My father was walking from the opposite direction. He gave me a stare and I didn't even understand what that was for. Now, he didn't know that it was a man who was turning me on. His embarrassment was probably the fact that I was standing in the middle of the road with a boner that was too big to be ignored by anybody at all.

I was fairly aware of gay sex and things like that around 1999, thanks to the internet and i was merely 11 years old. Thanks to Dialup internet connection and a lot of alone time at home since my parents were working.

I had a driver who wasn't married and was in his mid-30s around that time(he still isn't married). Whenever we used to travel as a family, I would wake up in the middle of the night & go to sleep next to him. He had such a hairy chest and when I gently groped him, he would get a hard-on. He never kissed but since he was turned on, he never had a problem with any of my further advances and we have had sex numerous times.

This is my only memory of me making an advance and getting to experience the pleasure of scruffy skin rubbing against my soft body(back then!). Later, in college, when my roommate used to deliberately walk up to my bed(on the other end of the room) & state some stupid reason like ants in his bed etc. to simply share my bed and slowly get me turned on & have steamy sex. This continued for 4 years of college. By then, I had discovered numerous other means to find my men such as Guys4men, Yahoo chat, cruising places in cities, calling random phone numbers(trust me! it worked). Those were the golden days of the Nokia 1100 & TrueCaller didn't exist.

And now I am in my late 20s, figuring out wilder ways to connect with men & trust me, the world without apps was a much better place. It is those first few experiences that live in the memories that are the most fun things ever and the instant gratification grindr approach is rather boring!

Classic vs the Romantic: The Grindr paradigm

If you have read the classic novel Zen & the art of motorcycle maintenance, you would know the classic vs romantic understanding of the world.

A romantic seeks beauty in the exterior while the classical one seeks inner beauty.

I was reminded of this when coming across something similar in the paradigm of the gay world.

99% people I have come across on Grindr or PlanetRomeo are romantics of the hopeless kind. All they care about is sex. And all that leads to sex is the exterior. Classic examples of judging a book by its cover.

There is another rare breed like me that is more in search of other things. I'd like to be cerebrally turned on more than my phallus! To be able to hold a meaningful conversation & stimulate some intellectual thoughts is a lot lot more sexier than drilling a dumbo who suffers from an intense case of verbal diarrhoea & is intellectually-challenged.

Of course, to each is his own & there is no wrong with either schools of thought. However, the latter is a lot lot sexier if at all you've ever had the chance to s(experience) it.

Gay in the Middle (East)

I was reading a gut-wrenching article about the slavery & suffering behind the facade of glass & steel that adorns the skyline of Dubai. Dubai probably is the one country that quite literally took slavery to the tallest point in man kind. Ironically, that is a new low. Probably the lowest one can stoop down too. Yet, behind the pretentious stuff that is in every corner of Dubai, let us admit it is one of the acceptably tolerant societies that isn't on the lines of other countries in the Gulf region. Even the neighbouring kingdom of Abu Dhabi is quite savage in its approach to modern day human issues.

But, there was an interesting point I read about gay life in Dubai as to how it is a heaven for gay Arabs. It is 'illegal' to be gay in Dubai, just like in several other countries. However, there isn't really any stringent punishment like in other Gulf countries. Occasionally, the police busts gay parties & lets the people go. But, Saudi Arabia is, as usual, the worst when it comes to gay laws.

However, suppression breeds desperation. The laws are so screwed up & the women are always hidden from men and the men need to rub their skin against something! Homosexuality is thus a very common thing among Arabs in Saudi Arabia. Nobody talks about it yet, they practice it. It is even more cringe-worthy to learn that they target boys between 17-21 to be "used" for their pleasure. So, whoever develops a taste for men due to continuous "ab"use need to find other places to live once they cross that age. Dubai is a heaven for such people.

As an Asian, I have my own reservations about Arab men because most of them are extremely racist & almost everybody hates Asians & especially Indians. The reasons are unknown. Maybe it is jealousy or the dark skin or sometimes the genuine cheapness some Indians inadvertently practice & exhibit. Whatever the reasons are, hate is a strong emotion.

One lesson is clearly evident. The more someone tries to suppress it, the more it actually grows. No pun intended. I have had my own share of beautiful experiences in Dubai with men and that I will reserve for another post. But, what I have been reading is blowing my mind out.

1. The Kingdom of the closet
2. Saudi Gay Scene
3. Why is homosexuality on the rise in Saudi Arabia, an Islamic country?
4. 

A world without Internet

For our crowd, I always have wondered that, the internet is such a blessing. It brings us together breaking the barriers of location, timezone, race & everything. I wish religion played the role of the internet in bringing together people & collectively help us achieve better with our collective potential.

Anyway, day dreaming is no good! Religion will remain a divisive force & internet, an unifying force.

I am imagining how life would have been without it. When I was growing up & came to understand my sexuality, the internet was parallelly evolving too. In the early 2000s, during my teens, when I realised my fondness for men with chest hair & my natural obsession with the scruffy, I could search on 'Outpersonals' or 'Guys4Men' or chat on the classis Yahoo chats, Room number 9, to discover similar people with similar preferences. I don't remember meeting anyone through the internet at that stage, nevertheless I did have my own fair share of sexual experiences with some people I knew already or I knew later after the sexual encounter.

But, imagine, even in a country like India, which is supposed to be an IT country, there are 10000s of villages that are still yet to get the power of the internet. There are so many boys & men like me from the early 2000s who are discovering their sexuality & coming to terms with it but are too afraid to talk to anyone about it. How would they express themselves? How would they meet people at all but for online dating & things like that?

It seriously makes me wonder. If you think I am sort of over imagining this, login to Planetromeo & see the number of users online in small cities like a Vizag or a Tirunelveli or Salem. Even in big cities, when we have a choice between the 300-500 odd users online, barely 2-3 are we able to strike a meaningful conversation with. Logistics, priorities etc. are enough reasons to screw up the meeting. When your choices are less than 10, imagine what the scene is!

I don't mean to sympathise with anyone because I am a strong believer of 'they'll figure it out themselves'. I do, all the time. Many do, all the frigging time. One in need, real need, will figure it out himself. Yet, it makes me wonder how. Sometimes, I even wonder if things were better that way. The uncertainty of the interest level of the person in front of you. He could be a neighbour or a cousin or some random guy at a temple festival or a wedding or a nearby storekeeper or anyone at all. That smile that gives away, the thrill that you get, the minute of self-doubt where you imagine the worst things happening with this guy, the impulse which you succumb to, the rush for grabbing something within 2 minutes of meeting someone(In the PR world, it just NEVER happens!), the instinct to run along with the person to find a dark corner for just the two of you, the moment when you are in the middle of the act and somebody barges in & you run for your life to save your ass!

After all, writing is a way to keep things that you imagine in a parallel universe. How I wish these things happened & these would rather be memoirs than lines of fiction! 

Fears of Coming Out

This isn't one of those 8 ways to do Y posts. This is a genuine outpouring of what is in my mind at this point of time.

I am not out to my family or friends. I am quite close to them & yet I haven't had the courage to come out to them. Here's why.

I come from an extremely conservative background. A lot of these ideas are extremely alien to them & there's quite a bit of expectation on me. I am quite rebellious & non-conformist unless & until I have 100% belief in what I do. So, I am 200% sure I won't succumb to the pressure of marriage and things like that. Yet, being the eldest son, grandson & what not, someone who has established himself fairly successfully in the career path & doing well, I really am not sure how it will be taken when I tell them I like poles & not holes. I can't imagine the way my grandparents would react when I tell them I actually like the feeling of a warm dick in my mouth more than sucking up the nipple of a woman with copious bosom.

As far as best friends are concerned, there aren't too many and again, I am not sure if they are evolved enough to be around with a guy who likes men. A lot of them assume automatically that when I am away for a certain night, it is with a woman. When they spot a hickey on my neck, they immediately ask "Who's the wild girl?'. Very rarely has 377 come into our discussion and needless to say, it was in a sarcastic connotation.

I have very very few friends in the LGBT circle. That is quite conscious because most of them I come across in the community are quite vehemently showing off. Pride is important. I get it. But, I have a major problem with the mindset that this is the only priority in life & every single second, their actions would be that of an LGBT activist. I seriously am not comfortable being the centre of attraction wherever I go & most queens are loud & attention-seeking. I am not too big a fan of the sing-song type talk that I come across among many gay people. Why sound so fake? Gets on my nerves. I am NOT homophobic if that is what you are thinking. When someone naturally talks or walks in a certain way, that is totally fine. But, there is a line between that and doing it for attention regardless of the people around you. I also have a problem with straight men who have that face you want to punch & flaunt their machismo unwantedly in places such as waiting at a restaurant queue.

Now, that gives you a fair idea on how low my fuse is. It isn't easy to have too many friends with this mindset. I am perfectly aware of that and I haven't done enough to go to places where I would find like-minded people for befriending. That's another reason I am quite concerned about losing the friendships I have built over the years.

Interestingly, an incident happened recently. An NRI uncle of mine had come down and my parents had apparently shared their concern of my disinterest in marriage with him. He & I had a private conversation in which he asked me some very personal questions. One of them were 'Do you like men?'. I quite didn't expect that. I tactfully avoided answering all of his questions and took the conversation in a different direction. But, he did mention that it was totally OK to like anybody in this planet and nobody could force anything on me. If my parents can take the liberty to go & tell him their feelings about my marriage and make him talk to me about it, I think even I can tell him about my sexuality and ask him to talk to them. Nevertheless, I didn't do that. I don't know why. Maybe I thought that wasn't necessary. Or was it & I was confused. I don't know.

As we grow older, family stays but they grow old too. We know they aren't going to be around forever. What after them? That's a question that haunts me time and again.

As you grow older, the circle of friends keep changing too. I am not in touch with most of my schoolmates today. Very few guys from college are in touch despite the fact that I went to a hostel. Their priorities are different now. Most of them have wives & infants and those WhatsApp groups that you used to be part of are no longer there. Your place has been taken by some random dad & the WhatsApp groups have changed from 'MBA2011' to 'LKG-Parents Group'. From the days of discussing your question papers, they have moved on to discuss their children's LKG term paper(whatever fuck that means).

Not that coming out would make any difference to anyone at all. In any case, I am a bit of a loner now. That would cut off the few ties I have and I could just continue living this pointless life hooking up with random people in the depths of the night, in the darkness of the cars, bushes, washrooms, parked buses, whatever, take trips to LGBT festivals hoping something would happen but that would further reinforce the loneliness, working like a slave, making money, losing hair, losing health, losing sexiness, but not losing hope that life will still have to go on & keep running towards a destination that is totally unknown.

8 ways to ensure your first date goes really well

Let us admit that we all are social creatures and we seek acceptance  & love. Our quest for meeting the right man who would stand by us, share with us his joys, sorrows & life experiences is usually never-ending. In fact, that is one of the reasons we still have those (pointless) accounts on Grindr, PlanetRomeo and more.

A lot of it depends on the first interaction. Often times, you come across sex seekers or worse, so-called straight men seeking a blowjob at the max, most Indian women don't blow. However, to be able to identify & develop a rapport with a man that would sweep you off your feet is rare. If that happens, do not blow your chances on your first date:

#1 Place is most important

It needn't be a fancy place nor should you go for something really street cheap. People always look for memorable experiences. So, a high-rise balcony of a friend with a view of city lights or a quiet lunch at a place where there is enough room for you to remain undisturbed is good enough.

#2 Dress up to impress

Most people dress only to be undressed. However, if you really care about the date, dress up to perfection. Put some effort in researching what is in vogue, wear something that isn't too loud or tacky but suits you to perfection. A white/black shirt & a blue denim pants with brown leather boots always looks sexy on a man. Use mild perfume. Do NOT stink or be sweaty since that really isn't respectful. Do not wear clothes that reveal chest hair & other such things.

#3 Never brag

It is important to be yourself & all that but do not get into brag mode. You may be too good at doing 12 things or the youngest guy in your board. However, in an attempt to impress the person if you are going to get all bragging about yourselves, that is the hugest turn-off. I have had the urge to empty the dishes of gravy in our lunch spread on the head of the other person for the amount of bragging I have had to hear on some dates. Chances are I have made the same mistake too.

#4 Movie is never a bad idea but watch out

A movie date is never a very bad idea however keep your hands off the guy. Do not come across as a creep by running your fingers on his thighs or heaving breathe near his earlobes while trying to whisper something to him. It could be turning on for some people however, it shows your desperation and that is never a good thing.

#5 Do not talk money

Money has a weird quality. It has the power to get us all we want however, it somehow remains one of the major reasons for unhappiness in the world. Discussing money is one of the most disastrous ideas on a first date. It either makes the entire thing boring or it makes either of you sad/annoyed.

#6 Always dutch your first date

No matter what, insist on dutching your first date. Each man pays for his own meal/ticket/whatever. That not only increases mutual respect but is also the best way to pave way for other future collaborations.

#7 Sex - Not really a priority

As long as there is a strong sense of sexual reciprocation, refrain as much as you can from getting laid on the first date. It is always good to hold back & grow your yearning for a person. As long as it is just a fling that you really don't care much about, do not have sex on the mind. Sometimes it can be disappointing & extinguish those beautiful flames that are just beginning.

#8 Don't stick like a lizard

Any relationship builds organically. When you try to stick to someone too much, that really doesn't work out at all. Giving the other person ample space to get accustomed & feel warm is important. Don't breathe into his sleeves and make him suffocate in your thoughts. That is recipe to a faster farewell.

These are lessons learnt from personal disasters. Very rarely have I had the perfect dates & such poignant moments are really rare. I somehow blow it off sooner or later. In the interest of others, I have written this based on my own mistakes & experiences & I wish you have several memorable first dates! 

Dealing with the 'whatif' & 'how i wish' folks

As a gay man, I get to experience this every single day of my life. Just like straight men, we also have our own desires and we ogle at men that we meet everyday. The cab driver, the passenger in the bus, the neighbourhood storekeeper, the ticket collector, the random face that waits for the office lift, visitors to office, cafeteria, railway stations, temples, name it & they are there. There is at least one sexy guy who you wish would rip his shirt off, show you his chest, let you kiss it, lick it, do whatever you want with it, unzip & shove his dick into your mouth and you can lose yourself in the musk of his manhood.

But, you can't!

How do you deal with this on a daily basis?

I have a few colleagues who I think are super hot. But, there is really not much I can do about it. Yes, we tend to make some desperate moves at times but that shouldn't put us in awkward situations, especially in the workplace.

But, what I find even more difficult to handle is the guys who sort of play around with you and act like a tease. Maybe they have a hint about your sexuality and they are curious too. Or so, you think. The way they interact with you gives an impression that they want to get totally naked with you or it often refers to some private parts of the body that you rarely discuss with you. Their body language is different with you. I have had some people touch my butt while they speak to me or get totally over me whenever there is a chance. It isn't everyday that you get the chance to put your arms around your colleagues, right? But, when you travel somewhere as a team or pose for a group selfie or something, the touch is a giveaway.

Now, I have figured a way to find out if any of this is true at all. We are planning a trip during a weekend to go to a resort with a swimming pool and just get sloshed. I obviously would be able to make out the difference between the real & the fake when I stare at their "bulge" in the pool. Not just that, I also have the pretext of being drunk for my "accidental" touches in their crotch. If it works, it works. Else it doesn't. How do you guys figure out & deal with these situations?

Random Rants about LGBT events & occasions

Traditionally, there are certain festivals happen such as the Transgender festival near Dinidivanam(I suppose), the Kutralam festival around August 15th, The Trichur Pooram which has become a mammoth gay fest of sorts, the Aluva Shivrathri again. However, these are a result of years and years of organic formations.

When I talk about gay-friendly festivals, is there any concert featuring a gay artist in the middle of a jungle where gay men can pitch their tents and spend the night around campfire, disco, booze etc. like the Sunburn festival or NH10 weekend types. It is surprising that despite the support many celebrities show for LGBT people, events like these are few and far.

There are of course a lot of queer film festivals happening. Nevertheless, I haven't really found myself comfortable at all. I tried going there by myself. I tried going there with friends. It really didn't work for me at all. In fact, it was even more intimidating to be part of that place where queens walked in and out like they owned the place. Not to mention, the cringe-worthy PDA crowd. 'What's the matter with these people?' I have wondered. Not that I am saint and I am totally against PDA but as long as there is no pretence about it, it is fine. More often than not, it is merely another additional attention-seeking item on the checklist for most. I say this so because, I have seen these same mouths that kissed passionately in the darkness of the film screening room that were blowing cocks of random people in the washroom.

The next set that sort of captures my attention is enthusiastic organizers. It is more often than not, a nice money-spinning exercise where the vulnerabilities of a newbie to the scene is plundered and his bank account gets punctured. The 'gang leader' tag that people associate with these people sound like some underworld Don from Dubai but sadly in reality, they put to shame drag queens from Vegas!

At times, I even wonder if I am a sociophobe because there is really very very very few people in the planet that I can feel genuinely comfortable with, be myself & just have a good time.

Nevertheless, as long as there is some way for our community to come together at a given place & time, in every city, I think that is the day, we wouldn't really be needing a list of cruising places compiled here or on Ohmojo or anywhere else.

Happy hunting!

5 Reasons why Gay people make the world a better place

We live in a world that could have been better. For every new medicinal innovation, there is a new disease. For every treaty signed, a war breaks out elsewhere. For every life saved, somewhere else, someone's is lost. The disparity between the first & the third world is staggering.

Where is the hope?

Well! It would rather be sweeping to say 'gay men'. But, there's a lot more advantage for the society due to this community than possibly any other community.

How?

#1 Population

We seriously don't need more population on this planet which is already very crowded. The common notion is so skewed and twisted that if a man has to be responsible, that will either happen when he is married(to a woman) and if that doesn't happen, it will automatically happen when he has a kid. Now, what about the woman and kid? For every man who is course-corrected to be "responsible", aren't 2 irresponsible beings being created? Barring very few rare cases, gay couples prefer adoption to procreating using test tubes. The world needs more such people!

#2 No sexual violence against women

Women will feel a lot more safer in a world where they aren't sexually oppressed and subjected to violence. There is no way gay men would resort to that kind of violence with women(I can even vouch men). Everything works with mutual consent.

#3 Happiness

The world would seriously be a happier place. Aren't we all called 'gay' with a reason?

#4 Pursuit of Excellence

It is a well-established fact that gay people are far more relentless and focussed in their careers and create success, wealth and value as much as anyone else, or even better. Tim Cook, Megan Ellison, Elton John, Ricky Martin, Ellen DeGeneres you could go on and on. The standards they have set are really high and we wouldn't settle for mediocrity at any cost. This is not just good for themselves but they create value for the society at large.

#5 Goodness

I have met 1000s of gay men and I am yet to meet a man who is as greedy as a straight man. There's a lot more contentment, happiness and gay people are greedy only for love. Nothing else. There will be no plundering of natural resources or wealth or other people's happiness when you are at peace with yourself. The gay community is extremely good as gold at heart. This goodness only spreads and we don't go for wars. All we go for is Love Jihad!

If a lot of people are going to be homophobic, it wouldn't be wrong to say they have a problem with a peaceful, happier world with civilised people who do just about their own thing. This is the kind of (not so)humans that is a bane to the planet spreading hate, chaos, violence and all sorts of negativity.

It is good for the world that there is still a small amount of human race that constantly strives to make this place better by being just their natural self. Here's to all the gay people in the world. Big O! 

Why is loyalty is scarcity in gay relationships?

There's true love and equal love and N shades of in between. It's all beautiful to trend on twitter and facebook. The whole world went ahead and changed their DPs on Facebook when 'Love won'(according to who, thought?). But, let us take a step back and see. Does it reflect the real scheme of things? 

There is an occasional news of a gay marriage in California that we read about in the papers. Nobody really cares to know how long that marriage sustains for some strange reason. I wouldn't be bringing this question in a straight marriage, a) because I don't care. b) this entire post is about the fragility of gay relationships due to loyalty or rather the lack of it.

That brings us to the question why is loyalty so scarce among the gay community? 

Or is it not just the gay community?

When you look at the numbers, straight marriages obviously last longer than gay marriages. Some of the reasons are: 

#1 Validation 

As it happens with most other things in the animal kingdom, the human race is extremely socially conscious. Most sucky marriages, especially, straight ones survive mainly due to stigma and fear of society. Given a choice, they would freely walk away doing their own thing. But, their need for social validation is a lot more than their need to protect their own happiness. So, they let it cannibalise their happiness and suffer through a bad marriage. A relationship on the other hand is far more easier to let go off and breakups are mainstream now. When it comes to the gay community, we aren't there yet socially. Nobody actually cares if you are single or married and it really doesn't become as much of a talking point, except a few(read as most) of the gossip-mongering people, who nobody can do nothing about anyway. 

#2 Long Distance

There are so many women in my neighbourhood in Madras, whose husbands work in the Gulf countries and they don't even get to see them for years together. Yet, a conversation with a local doctor revealed to me some staggering numbers in terms of the number of abortion cases she had to deal with on a daily basis amidst those women. Well! Doctor-Patient confidentiality - RIP! 

The point is, humans are driven by their instincts and hormones. These 2 are way more powerful than what one can imagine and everyone succumbs to these things at some point or the other. However, a lot of times these things are not even revealed to the husband, who probably has his side to the story as well in a foreign land. 

In gay relationships/marriages too, distance is one of the factors for the lack of monogamy, which is closely yet mistakenly associated with loyalty. When both the parties are fine with an open relationship, it is a different story. However, when monogamy comes to play, that is the beginning of the end. 

#3 Lack of Commitment 

Well, for most other cases, I would simply attribute it to lack of commitment towards the relationship itself and to the partner in question. It isn't impossible to hold on to one person provided there is a will to do so. This is something each of us need to introspect and decide whether we can afford the amount of commitment a relationship needs. Sometimes, they can be very demanding and those are the moments of test of strength. Those who sail through successfully experience the proverbial 'happily ever after', for the rest it is the beginning of a new chapter. To each is his own. I am glad I don't have to mention 'her' in my previous sentence considering the context here. :) 

5 Real reasons behind homophobia

It is sickening to think people use the word 'gay' as an abuse and often times, it is not even apparent to them that it is as heinous as racism. What is even more appalling is the liberal unmindful usage on apparently evolved streams of social media where they use the word for name-calling, thinking that's what they are doing. What one doesn't realise is that gays are actually better than straight men at practically everything they do. Now, I will reserve that for another post. 

What one cant' deny is the fact that a large section of "modern" society is naturally homophobic or they at least need to pretend to be so, in order to get majoritarian acceptance. There is a stigma around being 'gay' and it is impossible for many to even reason with the fact that they are as normal as anybody else. Being gay is an attribute and not an identity. 

#1 Minority Community

The world isn't a fair place. In a planet of 7 billion people, of which let us safely assume at least 3 billion are grown up men, only 45,000 people are online on Planetromeo. That, for a small sample, proves that we are 0.00000642857% of the human race. Small enough to be called 'minority' community. To most of the planet, we don't even exist considering how small the numbers are. Despite that, our voices are heard. Thanks to the power of the internet and other mediums of free speech. It is natural, at least according to Charles Darwin, we need to fight for our existence. 

#2 Stigma 

In reality, people are actually not that homophobic. Seriously! With the kind of everyday battles people are fighting day-in and day-out with disease, distress, war, unemployment, economic issues and many more roadblocks for peaceful existence, who really has the time to think about 0.00000642857% of the human race? Let us be practical. Nobody gives a damn! Yet, imagine if 1 person among a group of 5 men says something in favour of the gay community. The very next question would be 'Are you gay?'. It is as stupid as asking a male advocate of woman's rights 'Are you a woman?' or an animal activist 'Are you a cow?'. Yet, nobody thinks for a second about asking such ridiculously stupid questions. The easiest way to deal with such situations or rather avoid them altogether is just be part of the larger group and nod in favour of their opinions, no matter how stupid they are! 

#3 Drama

Gay men are partially to be blamed for homophobia too. I know a lot of my readers wouldn't buy this idea of mine. Yet, I am going to go ahead and say it. A lot of gay men are unnecessarily dramatic and the air they carry around is often annoying even to other gay men. Like I mentioned, being gay is a part of you and that isn't the ONLY thing that defines you. Subtlety is an art. Overdose of anything isn't good and that applies to expressing oneself too. If you are loud and attention-seeking, the phobia that you receive is more on account of that and not being gay itself. It is also because of this kind of crowd that Karan Johar movies portray them in a certain way and further reinforce the opinions in the minds of people. If you would like people to accept you normally, the way you are, there is just one way to do it. Be normal. Nobody likes tantrums! Seriously. 

#4 Religion

A lot of religious beliefs have been misconstrued and propagated incorrectly over the years. The gatekeepers to God have unfailingly chosen to either ignore or add to the agony by further giving their own not-so-creative touch to it. So, these so-called messiahs and God-men have time and again made sure that the 0.00000642857% of human race is some sort of typo on the planet. In any case, most religious outfits and institutions have been built using oppression as brick and fear as mortar. It is rather too unsurprising for me to believe that we have been easy targets. 

#5 Frustration

Most humans are in real, frustrated creatures. They look for excuses all the time to cover up their inadequacies and incompetencies. Let us just face the fact that most people live a terrible life lost in paying education loans, car loans, EMIs and where is the time for living your dreams and that vacation that you wanted to take to Venice? Gay men are often free from such commitments and far more successful in life in terms of career, finance etc. and can afford to take such luxurious vacations. I don't want to stereotype here but a lot of gay men are opulent and love living a good life and having the best of things. They are because they bloody can! The only way for the losers to get back at them is homophobia. Well! who cares! :P 

I know this isn't the most thought-provoking piece of writing ever. It isn't even the most sensible one. Nor is the language savour-worthy. Yet, when you look at things deeply, these are some basic things that we fail to take a look at and that actually influence human thinking and behaviour. If you have a different point of view, feel free to share it with me. 

Chennai Gay Cruising Places

Updated list of gay cruising places in Chennai 

Last updated on 15th December 2016

Being a single gay man in this city, that is unafraid of exploring the city's deepest and darkest corners, here is a list of places from my experiences where you stand a real high chance of meeting the man you'd like to indulge in: 

1. Electric Trains: 

Railway stations used to be a buzzing place of male sexual activity. However, with the recent events and the new Government, things have drastically changed and the platforms are not safe anymore to indulge in any kind of mild or hardcore sexual activity. So, if someone is telling you Guindy station, St. Thomas Mount station, Villivakkam station, Trisulam station, then they are referring to 2009 and not 2016. Do NOT risk going and searching for men in these places.

The trains however haven't changed all that much. The vendors compartment used to be a place of high sexual activity in the nights but now that has changed too. If you need to pick up men, go to the first compartment and start near the door. Always works.

2. Krishnaveni theatre:

The old, almost in ruins theatre opposite T.Nagar busstand is still a place where men of the really local class go for a blowjob. This place is feeming with sexual activity especially in the evenings. Beware of the management that sends some local goons to beat up people indulging in sex to keep a check. It is not too often and the guys who come with sticks are generally very dumb. They look around for 5 minutes and then go away. They're pretty useless. You can continue your action.

Caution: The place is very unclean and sickening. They guys who come aren't classy either. However, if you don't care about all that once in a while, go for it.

3. Ramapuram Signal:

There is a shrub near Jayant Tech Park and Ramapuram signal. That shrub is still a hub for all sorts of action. Not really much hindrances. Watch out for policemen in the booth at the signal but they generally don't even bother.

4. Ground opposite International airport:

In the nights, the ground opposite to airport suddenly springs into action. There is a line of taxis waiting to pick up people from the airport in the night flights. They are generally horny in the nights and really won't mind some action. The best thing to do is, talk to them, get into the cab and go off somewhere else. It is not recommended to have sex in the ground or the car at that place itself.

5. Streets near Satyam cinemas:

After it is dark, the narrow streets around Satyam cinemas & even between Escape and Satyam is an ideal point to pick up men. In fact, a lot of times, when I finish watching a movie at around 11:30 pm in the night and walk on those roads, lots of 2-wheelers have stopped and men have approached me. I haven't felt really comfortable at that time and declined. However, if you are a daring person and won't mind some risk, check it out.

Caution: Do not carry any valuables. Carry no/little cash.

6. 100 ft. road - Velachery

The T-junction near Phoenix Market city is a place where a lot of auto drivers and cab drivers assemble in the nights. The chances of you getting action are really really high. Night time around 1 am when movies generally get over, just go and stand there for sometime. They will start giving you all kinds of signals such as watching porn on their phones and flashing their phones at you, scratching their dick etc. It is quite an ideal place for pickups. Watch out for the cops.

7. Nungambakkam area

Sterling road and in and around Loyola college is a place where a lot of red light activity happens. I have seen it several times but never dared to go and walk on those roads. However, the nights are a good time to explore that place and I am told, you would run into really good looking men.

8. The Park

The bar in the The Park is a place where most Tamil movie actors hunt for men/boys. A lot of cine industry people are bisexual and they pickup boys from 'The Pasha'. A lot of my friends have been approached by leading actors(through their managers) from the bar. It is upto you to risk it.

9. Pallavaram-Thoraipakkam ring road

It may not be the safest of places, but I have just had to walk in these places in the nights. Vehicles would slow down, 2-wheelers would stop, lorries and trucks would stop. Everybody would want to consume you. I am quite tough looking and a stare is enough to shoo them away. If you are gutsy enough and won't mind an ocasional fist fight, go for it.

10. DLF - 5th Block - Washroom

The washrooms in the foodcourt of DLF are places of massive action after 6 pm on weekdays. Enough said. Check it out.

11. Art festivals

Madras is the cultural hub of Chennai. As unusual as it sounds, concert halls mainly for dance are such an opportunity to seek some male action. Try out the Music Academy washroom, main halls at Krishna Gana Sabha, Narada gana Sabha & all those places mainly during dance concerts and 8/10 men may be gay!:) :P I have had success in such places.

That's all for now. Will update later.